Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
