I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
