Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
someone owes me an orgasm
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
