I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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