No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
