better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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