she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
