dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
