I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
