but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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