He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
