no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
