it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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