so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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