So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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