Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
