it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We left an ass print on the piano.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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