R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
