I didn't shave. On purpose
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
