the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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