sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
