Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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