I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
