last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
