So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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