youre lurking in front of me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
