South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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