I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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