i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
