OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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