I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm getting married
To pizza
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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