so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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