so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
