I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
