Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
