"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if only i could text you this smell
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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