Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
