I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
