please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
