I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
