That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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