My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
