Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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