I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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