I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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