It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
