I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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