3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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