oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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