why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize