do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was like eating out sand paper
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
These tits shall not be calmed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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