Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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