Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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