Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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