the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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