If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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