Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
