Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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