so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
