i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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