So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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