Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
