I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
