Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
