sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
