so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
