Kiss
Puke
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i need some magic done to my vagina
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
