I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So squirting runs in the family.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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